The Father’s Safe Embrace

Just a couple months ago, my sweet girl woke us in the middle of the night! She had a stomach virus and threw up in her bed. My husband took my daughter in the bathroom where the tile floor would me much forgiving than our brand new carpet, if she missed the bucket. I stripped her bedding and sprayed and washed all the linens. As I walked past the bathroom to get the bedding into the washing machine, each time my sweet girl would call my name. I would poke my head into the bathroom, bend over and rub her back, fix her hair so it wouldn’t fall in ther face, and reassure her I would be in to comfort her again soon. I would leave her in the very capable hands of my husband who is a wonderful father. However, he is still learning the level of sensitivity his tender girl needs, which is very difficult for him in the middle of the night. After the bedding was in the washing machine and all the layers of bedding and mattress protectors were snuggly in place on her bed, I returned to the cold bathroom floor to the visual of my sweet girl, lying her head on her toddler step stool, fast asleep - a bucket just inches away from her face. It wasn’t long before she awoke screaming at the top of her lungs that “IT HURTS, IT HURTS”! My heart broke as I watched her scream in pain. Then, to my surprise, she stood up just enough to back her tiny bottom onto my lap and she cried “Hold me!” I wrapped my arms around her and she rested her head on my chest. I could feel her heartbeat racing, and as she sat on my lap, it began to slow. As soon as she made it onto my lap and into my embrace, there was a peace that came over her physical body - her heartbeat slowed and her screams ceased. The pain didn’t subside, as evidenced by the need for our trusty friend the bucket over and over throughout the night. In this moment, I felt a tug from the Holy Spirit - “If you would just climb into my lap and allow the Father to embrace you, you would find the peace you seek!”

I’ve shared a lot of my story in just a few blog posts. We have now endured four miscarriages, fertility testing, foster care (2 placements both short-term), and many anticipated foster care placements that “fell through” for lack of better terms. This desire we have to grow our family has consumed my every moment of the last few years (2021-2025). I remember after my third pregnancy loss, seeking hard to find God’s direct path for my life. I even went to see a Christian counselor to sort through the possibilities - were we to pursue IVF, adoption, foster care, or pursue a natural pregnancy? I left my first and only counseling session (although honestly I probably should do some more counseling), with some helpful advice. She insisted that we open all doors to the Lord and let Him move. There have been many times over the last few years where I thought I was learning to really trust God and let Him be God without my own expectations. Many times my world was wrecked when God didn’t come through with meeting my expectations in my timeline or in the way I thought was best. What I learned in this precious moment with my daughter, was that God was asking me for one thing, and it wasn’t to figure out what His plan is and help Him make it happen. What He is asking of me is to climb into His lap and allow Him to embrace me, because that is my safe place! Trusting in God and having faith Means accepting His “not yet” and His “no”, as joyously as I accept His “yes”!

What does climbing into His lap look like? For me, climbing into His lap looks like seeking Him everyday through reading scripture. Carving out time to remind myself of the amazing God I serve and seeing the way He has faithfully provided for His people, brings me so much hope. I’ve also learned through reading the Bible that God NEVER promised us an easy life. He quite frankly promised us the opposite! “In this world you will have trouble.” Don’t stop there, check out the next two lines, “But take heart! I have won the battle over the world.” (John 16:33b) What He does promise is “I will never leave you and I will never abandon you” (Hebrews 13:5) and “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).

Climbing into my Heavenly Father’s lap, also looks like being honest in my prayer life with Him. Just like David (famously known as a “a man after God’s heart”) and Job poured out heir raw and honest emotions to God, I have learned to adopt this practice in my prayer life. I offer to God my doubts and my questions, and His response is to draw near to me in my brokenness. Sometimes the heaviness of my grief of my babies and the grief of my dreams leaves me speechless. In these moments, I have found that turning on worship songs is helpful. It never fails that the words of the songs I turn on, express what I can’t bring myself to speak out loud.

Climbing into His lap also looks like surrounding myself with a community of faith-filled friends who lift me up in prayer and support me. I found many of these faith-filled friends through getting plugged in at our local church. I’m also blessed to have amazing family that also fits into this group of supporters. These supporters don’t have to understand your exact circumstances, but I find if they have faith, the Holy Spirit leads them to be exactly what you need. Even when these friends or family fall short (because let’s face it, their human), it gives you an opportunity to grow in your friendship.

I’m so thankful for the blessing of my daughter, and that as a parent I have been able to learn so much more about my relationship with my Heavenly Father! I’m thankful that as I got to be her safe place in one night of pain, God is ALWAYS my safe place and yours too. I can tell you that He is trustworthy and it’s true, He won’t answer all your prayers in the specific way you expect, but I’d rather walk this path of grief with Him holding me in His comforting embrace, than without Him!

What would crawling into God’s lap and allowing Him to embrace you, look like for you? I hope this image helps you as much as it helped me.