The Empty Spaces
- rblackbu4
- Aug 15
- 6 min read
Updated: Aug 16
The last few weeks at church we’ve been talking about our Inheritance as sons and daughters of God. It’s been a really exciting series and I’ve loved dreaming of heaven for so many reasons! I’ll post a link to the messages I’m referring to because they have been THAT good at the bottom of this post.
Today I read a beautiful social media post where a grieving mama asked to be laid to rest in her sneakers, because when she gets to heaven she has a long-awaited play date to get too! I sobbed to myself in the lunchroom of my office. They weren’t sobs of grief this time! NO my tears were an outpouring of the unbelievable hope that I have in my Lord and Savior, because He has created a place where my long-awaited play dates can happen! When I think of the empty space on my lap and in my arms here on this earth, my humanity is devastated. This side of heaven, I really don’t know if that will ever change. But when I get to heaven, God better make my lap even bigger or grow me some extra arms because I can’t wait to finally embrace my five beautiful angel babies and meet them face to face! 😭 👼
Just a few weeks ago, I was sitting in a REAL human moment where I was struggling asking myself if I truly believed my Angel babies would exist in heaven? The devil would plant those tiny seeds of doubt. You may have heard these lies too:
“You never even heard the heartbeat, when does life truly become a life?”
“People probably look at you like you’re crazy, your baby wasn’t ever found on an ultrasound, how could you be grieving when you didn’t even see a sign of life.”
The list could go on and on! What’s crazy to me is this concept of when life begins, isn’t new to me! I’ve been a christian since the tender age of 5 and I am a pro-life believer. I’ve argued this question of when life begins for years and years (I’ve always been passionate about this issue). Let me also say that the Lord has softened my heart and there is a special place in my heart for women who have made a difficult decision to have an abortion. I may believe differently than you but I do empathize with the magnitude of that decision and I welcome conversations around this topic. In the last few years, the devil has really challenged my position on this issue of when life begins because my babies have all been lost so early. I’ve been searching the scriptures and seeking God’s wisdom and I’ve come to the grand conclusion that God who “knits us together in our mother’s womb” is the creator of life and yes, I still believe that the very moment he brings a child into formation is the beginning of life!
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16 ESV
God is the creator of all things! His eyes SEE our unformed substance! The devil has tried relentlessly to make me believe that there was no proof or evidence of the loss of my babies. But the TRUTH is that there was a witness besides me, and it happened to be the creator of all things - GOD!
In Genesis 1:27, it says that God formed humans “in the image of God.” He formed every cell of our bodies and He did not stop there! He gave us a spirit that was made to be in a relationship with Him! The Psalms declare that in our mother’s womb, He knew us! In the most secret place, He knew each of us! It reveals that He wrote our story in full, before we were ever born. Full transparency, each time I’ve been pregnant, I’ve prayed the verses in Psalm 139:13-16, and honestly, uttering the words “in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” - it has stung! Especially as I prayed after multiple losses; this concept that God created this precious life inside of me, and knowing that His plan may be for them to never be held in my arms here on Earth, is extremely humbling and heartbreaking. It’s in these stinging moments of humility that I am reminded that God never promises us a painless life. He quite frankly tells us that it will be quite the opposite! I’m reminded of the following scriptures:
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalm 23:1-4 ESV
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.””
John 16:33 NLT
In the Psalm, it says, EVEN THOUGH you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He will be with you! In John, troubles and sorrows are promised, but notice the HOPE is in Christ overcoming the world! The HOPE is found in His PRESENCE, which does not always come in the absence of trouble. For me, God’s presence has been most evident in my valleys! His presence has been almost palpable in my losses!
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
Psalms 34:18 NLT
After much reflection on my grief and my losses, I realize that if I did not suffer in the way I have, I still would be suffering. Why? Because that is the way of this world. I am humbled. I am sin-stained. I look around me and I see friends who are struggling with marital problems that are heartbreaking and deeply painful. I have friends who have lost their parents long before they would’ve expected. I see so much pain in the ways we’ve been involved with the foster care system. The fact is that this world has trouble!
I read a book recently called “When God Doesn’t Fix It” by Laura Story. It’s an excellent book that I would highly recommend! In the book, one of her revelations is that the devil wants you to get stuck in the “Why” of your struggles, because he doesn’t want you to make it to the understanding of “How” God will turn this for good!
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
Romans 8:28 NLT
When I stop and ask God how He is using my situation, it’s clear to me that my relationship with Him has deepened more than I could’ve ever imagined. He opened my eyes and my deeply empathetic heart to the hurting women all around me who are going through something similar. In understanding these women, it gives me this incredible opportunity to love on them and share the hope that God gives us. The greatest hope is in the presence of Jesus and the promise of an eternity in heaven with Him - our inheritance! And part of that inheritance, will include my reunification with my five deeply loved and missed babies! I recently listened to the song “Homesick for Heaven” by Phil Wickham (I’ll link the song below), and I can’t help but imagine that when I enter heaven, I’ll run as fast as I can into my Father’s arms…and I will see all my babies in the arms of Jesus!!!!!!
If you are going through a loss of a baby, a child, a family member or friend and you are feeling alone or drowning in grief! Please reach out to me! I promise to be a listening ear and a prayer warrior on your behalf. I promise not to overwhelm you with questions or answers or potential solutions, but I will pour my heart out on my knees for you and give it to God, because HE is the source of HOPE and HEALING and PEACE. If you don’t know God or have a personal relationship with Him, and you want to experience His peace in your struggles, reach out to me! Let’s talk! Why not today?
When God Doesn't Fix It: Lessons You Never Wanted to Learn, Truths You Can't Live Without https://a.co/d/4D3ebet
The Inheritance Messages by Pastor Joe Cameneti, Sr. From Believer’s Church in Warren, OH
“Homesick for Heaven” by Phil Wickham
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